The Lack of Public Knowledge on the Dark Triad
We may all have come across abusive people at work, school, in friendships, and intimate relationships. Sometimes , the abuse can be subtle, but pervasive, and it exceeds intersectionality issues. It “corners” the person into a silent place where they cannot say much in the moment for various reasons.
Nobody talks about the people of the extremes , the survivors of mental torture and severe psychological abuse , who cannot point out exactly what it is- they already know that it is more than domestic abuse, they are smart and intuitive beyond borders. Intuitively, they know that they are in great danger. That their psyche has been slowly mutilated.
Note, I am using the word “survivor” of horrendous psychological abuse and not “victim”, although the term may be interchangeably used. The word “victim” implies that the person doesnt have free will and is at the mercy of external factors. Well, the people from the Dark Triad-The Psychopaths, The Narcissists, and Machiavellics- will destroy the person’s psyche.
The survivors experience what we call, cognitive dissonance and this is the modus through which the survivor is traumatized and retraumatized. The majority of the survivors’ stories are shocking stories.
Survivors have extreme loyalties to the abuser despite the abuse that they have endured. They have a tendency to only recollect the good memories. The victim experiences a lost sense of self, extreme injustice for the repeated boundary violations, a power imbalance, possibly retaliation from the abuser and their circle of people, loss of confidence, and in some cases, extreme and pervasive damage to the victim’s reputation and self worth, career, and finances. It erodes the person at a very deep level, mind-body-soul, destabilizing them and keeping them confused.
Most often, the abuse does not end when the relationship ends. It continues for years especially if the two have children. The justice system fails the survivor, the police as well. There is no place where they can turn. They may financially abuse the survivor while in the relationship or after, refuse to pay child support, or parentally alienate the other parent (survivor). Where does their pathology stop? They often weaponize what they know including their own children against the survivor. Worse, the child will be parentified - experience parental role reversal, and use the same pathological tactics as the pathological parent, and , in some cases, even physically attack the survivor.
The legal system needs to understand the devastating effects of this type of personality, not only on the victim but on the children as well. It is not “just domestic violence” or a “high-conflict case”. It is more complex than that.
Survivors of narcissistic and psychopathic relationships who seek supports need to select mental health providers that 1) specialize in narcissistic or psychopathic abuse (very important), 2) specialize in trauma and 3) use a blend of strategies to help survivors.
